I live in a grown up dorm. Panty raid anyone?

I have realized in the last few months that the building I live in is completely different than I had realized. I live on a fairly busy street so there is always the sound of traffic, but the building itself always seemed pretty quiet. However, in the last three years that I have lived in it, I don't think I have ever spent that much time in it. Between a hectic schedule for work, school, friends, and family, my apartment was basically a place where I came home to sleep and sometimes veg out in on a Sunday. I live in a small building that is generally made up of working professionals who are friendly but for the most part keep to themselves. There are a few distinctive personalities that stand out - one guy seems to set his apartment on fire every six months or so while cooking bacon and another only does laundry every two months and everyone ends up with his cat's hair all over their clothes after he has hogged the machines all day. But in general, it is a pretty peaceful place.

Lately, though, I feel like I am living in a college dormatory inhabited buy thirty-something adults trying to recreate the feel of Animal House. It starts at about 6:30am - several people in the building own dogs and they all seem to slam their doors at the same time as they go out for the usual morning walk. I don't know if this is a new phenomena or if I just never noticed it before because when I was employed I was in the shower right about then, singing my fool head off and probably annoying everyone else. The dogs all run up and down the hallways, then up and down the stairs, getting scolded by their owners. I don't think Rip Van Winkle could have slept through that; I know I can't.

The dogs seem to act as some sort of alarm clock because soon enough, it seems like the whole building is awake and in the shower. I live in an older building that has central ventilation shafts. All of the bathrooms and kitchens have windows that open onto the shafts so it is possible to hear all kinds of things from other apartments. I am not the only shower-singing talent in the building, although 'talent' may be an optimistic description for any of us, including me. One woman seems to have a secret desire to be the next Maria Callas and sings what could generously called off-key operatic arias, but to me sound like one of those whistles that kids put water in to make it sound like birdsong.

Eventually, all the traditionally gainfully employed people in the building troop off to their respective desks. Hooray, now it will be nice and quiet again, right? Nope, sorry, not even close. As soon as those doors shut, all the poor little apartment dogs suffering from separation anxiety start barking, howling, and scratching at the door. If I were to take a walk on any floor in this building, I would hear at least one dog begging for their owner to come home. It is both heartbreaking and aggravating to hear these little guys. They can keep it up for hours, which can't be good for their health or my sanity. How can they just bark and howl like that for so long? One of these days, all of those little dogs will rebel, put their owners on leashes, lock them up somwhere boring with nothing to do all day and show us all who is really in charge.

Throughout the day, a variety of noisy things go on. The building manager vaccums all the public spaces, maintenence guys come and go banging mysteriously on various pipes and walls, and an unending parade of people seems to troop in and out. These people are kind of odd - who are they here to see? I mean, it seemed like everyone in the building except me left earlier to go to whatever form of employment they keep, and yet, these visitors are here. And they are noisy, too. They all seem to run up and down the stairs, giggling like drunk sorority sisters, and always, always slam the door to whatever apartment they finally go into. At first I thought maybe we had a few vacant apartments to rent and all of these people were potential new neighbors. That in itself was a little worrying, because who wants to live with perpetually drunk people who giggle like twenty-something girls?

Another outrageously loud noise that I often hear are the doorbells. For some reason, every one of the apartments in this building has its own doorbell. This is odd because it is a gated building and the only way for a visitor to gain entrance is for someone to buzz them in. So it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that someone will soon come knocking on your door after you have buzzed them in, right? And these aren't just any old doorbells, these are full on buzzers. If you hold it long enough, it actually sounds like some sort of crazy laser wielded by one of James Bond's archenemies that is about to emasculate him. I guess my apartment used to be where the property manager lived before he moved next door and for some reason no one in the building seems to know that. I can't imagine how many people must have thought he just ignored all of them when I was at work all day because now that I am home a lot, it seems like every one of them buzzes my door to complain to him about something several times a week. They are all completely surprised to find out that not only does he not live in #17, but that I have lived in that apartment for over three years. I used to feel awful every time my adorable but mischief making nephew would have a fit of temporary insanity and run around buzzing everyone's apartments simply because he liked the noise, but now I just wish he would come back over and do it to them again. Petty, yes. Satisfying? Oh yeah.

Besides giggling like silly schoolgirls, everyone who comes and goes in the building seems to like pranking each other. I heard one guy screaming in the stairwell about a week ago and thought maybe a murder was being committed. When I stuck my head out over the stairway railing to see if I should call 911 or just ignore everything, I saw three guys about my age laughing like idiots while another guy seemed to be trying to pull the back of his underwear off his head. I guess his good buddies thought it would be funny to give him a colossal sized wedgie and as an added bonus, make him scream like a little girl. Heehee, that one actually got a laugh out of me too. Sucks to be you, buddy.

Just the other day, I came home to find some woman's panties hung on my doorknob. At first I thought that maybe one of my neighbors believe I had accidentally left them in the laundry room and was trying to return them. They were very cute, but definitely not mine. Then I looked down the hallway and realized that every door had either panties or a bra hanging from the knob. There were notes attached to them that warned the owner (she lives in #9 according to the notes) to stop putting her laundry in the dryer on her way to work and then leaving it there all day until she came home. I was a little grossed out that some woman's panties were hanging from my door, but if they had been found in the dryer, then odds were they at least were clean. I carried them down to her apartment and hung them on her door. I could see that a few other people had been there because there was a whole collection of underwear in front of her apartment. I don't know who the laundry vigilante was that decided to hang this woman's underwear all over the building, but I think it was an interesting way to make a point.

As I type this blog, the stupid fire alarm in the building is going off again, making my ears ring. The building owners had a new system installed recently and the thing is so sensitive, it will go off if you just mention the word fire. Last Saturday night one of my neighbors had a party and the alarm started going off every time one of his guests buzzed the gate. Between the drunk people smoking and drinking in the hallway, the loud music, and the psychopathic fire alarm, I really felt like I was living in good old Bean Hall at the University of Oregon. At first, everyone would pay attention and try to determine if there really was a fire and should leave the building. Now, we all try our best to ignore it - stupid and dangerous, I know. I am getting a little concerned because I have a phone interview for a job I am trying my best to get and it starts in 30 minutes. Hopefully, the building really isn't on fire and alarm will have stopped by then. I'm still in my pj's and I don't want to stand on the street in them and try to give a good interview at the same time.

For all that I have been kvetching about how noisy my building is, I still love living in it. A lot of what goes on is pretty funny and it definitely isn't boring. Even though none of my neighbors and I are what you would call best pals, we do try to be concious of each other and how sound carries throughout the building. Except for the occasional loud party on a weekend, no one is outrageously noisy at night. And if someone who is tired of you hogging the dryer hangs your underwear on everyone's door, well, just remember that you abandoned the poor things for the entire day and it has now become communal property. Just be glad it wasn't held for ransom or sold on ebay.